I don't think things are working out with The Self Depricator. We're good friends, still, but he's emotionally unstable to the point where I fear I am far too invested in our friendship, and he is basically relying on me for emotional support. That's scary to me. I don't think I've ever been in a friendship where someone else is relying on me for emotional support. I'm more than willing to do this for him, because I genuinely care about him, but I question his dedication to me.
I'm back in my usual place of residence trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I'm young... so young... and I have plenty of time to figure these things out.
I am realizing, however, that I am unintentionally abusing my friends who are in serious relationships. When I run into them, one of the questions to escape my lips is (before "how is your relationship"?) "Does your boyfriend have any amazing single male friends?"
I'm beginning to sound desperate. Pathetically so. I feel like I'm hunting. I've been back for about 24 hours and I'm hunting. My weaknesses are getting the best of me, and my vibrator is no longer giving me the companionship I need. The Self Depricator satisfies me conversationally, my vibrator is a bit of a sexual release, but I feel like I need to be fucked and then spooned; my vibrator and a telephone can't do that.
Have I mentioned I'm completely over phone sex? I've been in a few long distance relationships where phone sex was brought into play - even webcam shit went down - but I feel as if even calling up a booty call or two for a little phoneplay is not gonna get the job done anymore. Anonymous sex scares me (sorry craigslist) so I'm not sure what I'm going to do anymore. Geez.
Where is the untapped reserves of attractive, single, mature, young men? Can we drill for that in Alaska? I'll put in a call to Sarah Palin. God. Her political career is really going to be over when McCain loses the election.
But back to sex, and all of it that I'm not having... Things need to change or I'm going to start fucking my friends again, or even worse, I'll try women again and make a whole new world of hell for myself.